


from the other side

by strwberrycake



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Character Death, Confessions, Death, Eventual Romance, F/M, Ghosts, Grief/Mourning, Haunting, I'm Bad At Tagging, Lost Love, Love Confessions, Relationship(s), Romance, Soulmates, Spirits, Spiritual, i watched toilet bound once and im obsessed with the afterlife
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-29
Updated: 2020-02-29
Packaged: 2021-02-28 06:08:13
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,596
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22949077
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/strwberrycake/pseuds/strwberrycake
Summary: maybe in the next life, he'll be there too
Relationships: Sugawara Koushi/Reader
Comments: 4
Kudos: 35





	from the other side

Being a ghost was definitely not what you expected.

You had wandered the endless halls of your school until you memorized every nook and cranny. You knew all the best spots. You knew what happened in every room, and every space. You were friends with the dust bunnies and the voices that whispered through the air vents. 

It was kind of fun. There were some silver linings. 

The pranks were infinite, and the reactions were golden every time. A lost pencil here, a dropped book there. Disappearing, reappearing. Confusion, and light teasing. It was fun. 

If only they could join the fun with you. 

You laughed at the moments students thought nobody was looking. Clear images of the blonde first year stubbing his toe against a doorway; awkward and stiff. The time the aloof Kageyama stared at the vending machine for a solid five minutes, contemplating if he should fight the machine for the clogged strawberry milk, or let it win and walk away in defeat. Or when the bright-eyed Hinata fell face first when tripping over his own shoelace after volleyball practice. They were hilarious, really. 

But you were dead. 

And they were alive. 

You were watching them, and laughing, but you were being ignored. They didn’t hear your laugh ring through the empty hallways or the empty spaces. It was just you. Your own happy sound bouncing off the empty walls, back to you. 

Lonely, isn’t it? 

The one-sided conversations, and responses you imagined they would react with drove you mad. 

You had tried to get their attention, anyone’s attention, really. You leveled up your pranks steadily. You tugged on shirts, untied shoelaces, picked up vases and dropped them, pricked a hair from an unsuspecting scalp. You tried everything. It was like the more you tried, the more you pushed them away. You were just a nuisance, a rumor. 

The ghost of Karasuno. The crow with the clipped wings, left behind to watch the rest of the murder fly into the sky. 

But you weren’t the ghost of Karasuno. You were just (y/n). 

And you were a third year student at Karasuno. Your final year. You were almost there. You were supposed to graduate. You were supposed to confess, and be confessed to. You weren’t supposed to die.

But you did, and now you’re here. Wandering the halls of your former high school, hopelessly in love with a boy who is alive. 

Sugawara Koushi. A pot of pure honey. The sweetest hypocrite to exist. You knew he wasn’t as sweet as he appeared to be, but you were absolutely fine with that. You were observant (still are, but you have the advantage of invisibility on your side, so it’s more of a given at this point), so you knew who he was, and who he pretended to be. You liked that, though. You thought, maybe, he liked you too. Maybe? A girl can dream, right? And being 17, and idealistic, a glance a second too long, and a touch that lingered, could only mean mutual interest, right? 

You had known him since middle school, not really sparking up a relationship until you happened to be in the same class with him. You knew of him, but you didn’t know him. During your first year of high school, however, that changed. Sitting behind him in your first year class, and him being the polite angel he is, took the first step and introduced himself to you. A simple introduction, nothing too crazy. 

A simple, “Hi, my name is Sugawara, I’m going to sit in front of you for awhile so I thought I’d introduce myself. I hope we can work well together!” 

Nothing too crazy.

But god, he was refreshing. An absolute breath of fresh air. You knew high school wasn’t going to be all roses and tulips, but this silver-haired boy gave you hope that at least—he could be the single lavender stem in this field of half-dead grass. 

It became a sort of ritual. You’d look forward to greeting him every morning, and having small talk. He became your favorite person. He would talk about volleyball, competitions coming up, a show he saw on tv, it was all simple but it made you ridiculously happy. 

It was a slow ascension of friendship. It always typically is. Slow, and kind of awkward. Starts off with some courteous conversations, then mutual interests, and then thinking about the other. It was those types of relationships where you were put together by force but grew naturally. 

He would bring you gifts sometimes. Nothing too big. Just a strawberry milk, or a pocky box, here and there. After some time of being observant and listening to your remarks he grew to know you really well. Little things began to remind him of you and he would tell you about it. 

From first year to third, your relationship with Koushi only served to get stronger and more powerful. You’d go to his games, and visit him outside of school. You’d go on coffee dates, and exchange shy looks of adoration. You loved him. You loved him in the way you love a best friend, a soulmate. He was your other half, and in his presence you always felt complete, and like you could face anything. He made you feel that way. He was a calming presence, one that made you feel serene and grounded. You couldn’t imagine life without him. It had been enriched so much with him in it. 

You didn’t want to think about it too much but you hoped that you made him feel something too. You were always supportive of him, always offering help if he needed it, and giving him bright smiles. You did the best you could. 

You were planning on confessing. It was your last year, your last chance, and high school was ending soon. You were running out of time. Planning, and actually putting it into action though, are two completely separate things. You can plan your entire life out but if nothing is put into action, your plan means diddly-squat. 

It was cherry blossom season, you remember that. Your favorite. Baby pink petals littered the sidewalks and drifted through the breeze. It was perfect. Your motivation was building, and you felt so confident. Today was the day. It can’t be any other day. You saw him in the distance. Ash strands shifting with the breeze, he just happened to look back. He spotted you and smiled. The kind of smile where his eyes crinkle, and the small beauty mark beneath his eye disappears for a second. The kind of smile where he means it. 

You smiled back, and lifted your hand to wave. 

You don’t really remember what happened after that. 

It’s strange being dead. 

One second you’re staring at the love of your life, ready to risk it all and hopefully start a new chapter, and the next, you’re dead. 

Nothing but a memory. 

Not even a shadow. 

Tragedies aside, after what you assumed was an accident, you woke up in your first year classroom. It was empty and you had your head resting on your arms, like you had fallen asleep during a lecture. It was like you had dreamt the past three years. 

Obviously, there was confusion, and fear, but once you got everything sorted and you came to the conclusion that yes, you are dead, the past three years had happened, well now you were dealt your final cards. 

Roam Karasuno and figure out what the hell you were doing there. 

You had only been doing this ghost thing for about two weeks. The third years would be graduating in two more months. You had two months to figure out how to move on and close this chapter. Come to terms with everything, release your last regrets, believe in a higher-power; whatever kind of spiritual journey you were thrown into had to be solved in two months. Because in two months, you won’t be able to see Koushi anymore. 

And if you can’t see him anymore, then you wouldn’t want to be in a place where everything reminded you of him. 

That would be torture of the highest degree.

Maybe your regret was that you never confessed. Maybe it was that you never graduated. Maybe it was that you weren’t able to say goodbye to the people you cared about. 

Two weeks turned into four and nothing. 

Nothing new, nothing changed. 

You couldn’t figure it out.

If you’re supposed to solve your regrets you’d have to actually talk to people. You’d have to talk to Koushi, and your classmates, and your family. 

But how does a dead person talk to the living?

Mostly, you just wanted Koushi to look at you again. Just one more time. His kind eyes on yours. It would be the ultimate comfort. 

Maybe being a ghost would have been more fun if you weren’t confined to the school’s grounds. 

You had wanted to follow Koushi home once, growing sick of the loneliness that embodies an empty high school. You took one step out of the silver gates and you were electrocuted so painfully you could just about forget your name. You learned your lesson. 

You were meant to suffer there.

You just about gave up at six weeks. 

You followed Koushi around like a sick puppy. Hovering over his shoulder, climbing on top of him, sitting in his lap. It’s not like it made a difference. 

He never noticed you were there.

You’d talk to him. You’d touch his hair, and kiss his cheeks. You’d pick up his pencils, and order his papers. 

You’d hug him. 

Clinging onto his frame, hands clasped behind his neck, you’d squeeze him so hard you hoped it would hurt him. 

He wasn’t even warm. 

They wouldn’t even let you feel his body heat, his signature of life. 

He was much more sad than you remember him being. He smiled less and it didn’t really seem like he meant it when he did. 

He looked lost.

You wanted to kiss him. 

One more week and Koushi’s graduating. 

One more week and you’re gonna have to say goodbye. 

One more week and he’ll be gone.

One more week and you’ll be completely alone. 

The week came and went, and you were back to where you started.

It was cherry blossom season, your favorite. Baby pink petals littered the sidewalks and drifted through the breeze. It was perfect. You saw him in the distance. 

It had only been two months but Koushi looked so tired. 

A rolled-up black diploma clutched in his fist, he found something interesting to look at through the trees. The breeze picked up and ruffled the commemorative bunch of flowers on his dress shirt.

He decided to look in your direction.

You were happy for him. Really. If anything, you were happy that he made it. That he graduated, and finished high school. You were proud of him. He truly deserved it. He deserves everything good in this world. 

He was still looking in your direction. 

Mouth agape, eyes wide, was he shaking? 

You turned your head behind you, wondering what could possibly be upsetting the poor boy. 

But there was nothing. 

You turned back to him, and he was still staring. 

Was he staring at you? 

No, that couldn’t be. You’re dead. You’re a ghost. He’s alive. He can’t see ghosts. 

He’s walking towards you. One foot in front of the other, faster, and faster, picking up the pace until he was full on sprinting. 

He came at you so fast you could only put your arms up, and brace for impact. 

A gust of wind and then the familiar scent of lavender, and laundry detergent. 

It was him. That was his scent. The one you had grown to recognize, and love. 

“(y/n)?”

His voice was small, and shaky, you missed hearing your name. 

Carefully, you lifted your gaze. Sugawara Koushi was in front of you. He was looking at you. Really, looking at you. Panic, and confusion swam in his brown eyes. You wanted to touch him. 

“Koushi…?” 

That was all it took, and the big baby burst out into tears. Fat droplets overwhelmed his eyes and dribbled down his cheeks, collecting at the chin. 

“I thought I’d never see you again! How am I seeing you again? I’m so sorry, (y/n). I’m so sorry.” 

Barely finishing his sentences, he gathered his arms around you. 

By some miracle, Sugawara Koushi could see you. He could touch you. 

And he was warm. 

You missed it. You missed him. 

By pure shock, you couldn’t move. 

“Why are you sorry?” 

He sniffled thickly, and pressed a wet kiss to your temple. 

“I wanted to save you. I was right there. It’s my fault. If I had been faster or more competent, you wouldn’t have…”

Is that what he’s been thinking all this time? 

Abruptly, you pushed him away. Grabbing his wrist tightly, you made sure his eyes were on you.

“I want you to never think like that again.”

It was almost comical how disheveled he looked. His face was so wet. Brown eyes dewy, and cheeks flushed. Your heart swelled, you loved him. 

“Whatever happened, however it happened, was not your fault. Listen to me. If…you never see me again, I want you to remember that. Suga...Koushi...I love you. I will always love you. I will never blame you for what happened. You’re the last person I would ever think of blaming. You’ve only ever brought me happiness.”

His pretty features contorted into a look of pain, and confliction. He didn’t know how to feel. Should he be relieved? Happy? Devastated? He felt everything at once. He could only release fresh tears and bring you back into his arms.

“I love you too, I love you too.”

You rubbed soft circles onto his back, hoping to calm him down. 

You didn’t know why this was happening, but you knew it wouldn’t last. 

Reluctantly, you pulled away from him. 

“Please don’t go.” His soft whisper broke your heart. 

“I think we both know I have to now. I really just wanted to see you again. I just wanted you to look at me again. I’m happy. You saw me. Thank you.” 

And you were happy. You were satisfied. You had told the boy of your dreams that you loved him. You saw him graduate. You had faith that he was going to be okay. You just wanted to confirm it. 

You smiled at him, and held his hands. 

You remember the feeling of his hands well. The slopes, curves, and rough patches from volleyball. The warmth. 

You were losing his warmth. It was almost time to go. 

One last smile.

“I love you, Koushi. You’ll always be my favorite player. Be strong for me, okay?”

He couldn’t stop the tears from leaking, and gripped your hands tightly. He kissed you quickly, before he couldn’t anymore. 

And then you were gone. 

One last breeze, and you were gone with it.

It’s funny, being dead. 

One second you’re confessing to the love of your life, and the next you’re gone. 

Nothing but a memory. 

Not even a shadow. 

You hoped that in your next life, you’d be able to see him again. 

Maybe that’s how it works.

You’ll see him walking down the street, and your souls will recognize each other. 

It’ll be like first year all over again.

You hope that Koushi introduces himself. 

Until then, you’ll be waiting.

**Author's Note:**

> hello, hello! 
> 
> i've been watching/reading toilet bound hanako kun and i've been obsessed with the idea of ghosts, and spirits, and i've been watching haikyuu so ofc i had to mix the two and this was the result. 
> 
> ummmm. if any of you guys have been reading my works, you must know i have no organization whatsoever.
> 
> i rlly do be typing and making things up on the fly so i'm sorry about that.
> 
> anywho! if ur new i hope u enjoyed something from this!
> 
> i appreciate any comments, constructive or otherwise! thank u for reading!
> 
> stay safe! ٩(｡•́‿•̀｡)۶
> 
> (p.s. if you listen to eternal snow from full moon wo sagashite while reading....(chefs kiss) it be adding a different energy to the somberness)


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